What not to do when being questioned by police officers (when you have warrants for your arrest)

In keeping with my ideal of trying to learn (and possibly teach others) by my mistakes, here's a rundown of a few things I learned a few days back about dealing with cops. Enjoy and try to learn something. I know I did!

• Don't read off each number/letter in your state ID individually, pausing between every number to ask if "you got that, officer?" in an insolent tone
• Don't try to adjust the handcuffs he gave you. They were a gift and if you fidget with them in front of him, he may think you are unappreciative or even that you might want to take them off. He won't like this.
• When he tackles you to the ground and shoves your face into the concrete, try not to hurt his feelings by showing resistance. He probably knows how much you love to learn and was most likely just reminding you of the law of gravity. Everyone needs a reminder every now and then.
• If he shows you the inside of his sweet ride, don't slam your head against the plexiglass divider, even if you're just trying to get a better look at the cool computer equipment up front. He probably doesn't know about your interest in computers. Also, don't ask if he has the internet. He does, but doesn't like to show it off.
• When he takes you to his pad, which is like his low budget version of the bat cave, don't argue with the woman checking you in. She is, in effect, the front desk clerk at the hotel you're checking into. Note: They do NOT honor AAA rates. I checked. She won't want to argue with you all night, but if you try, she'll throw in a couple of extra nights for your stay.
• When your bedding (wool-like blanket and elevated concrete slab) arrives, don't insult your host by destroying it. It will cost you. ($15)
• Last, and certainly not least, it is advisable to travel light in this situation. You may not get all items you came in with back.

The room I got was OK. I have had worse (see 'park bench' in Santa Cruz City Parks), but the bathroom was a bit substandard. The hole in the ground had clearly not been cleaned in several days, and there was somewhat fresh fecal matter still attached to the metal grating covering said hole. And I couldn't figure out how to flush the hole in the ground either. They must have had plumbing problems that evening.

And this concludes Dave's tips on dealing with police officers when under warrant for arrest.
Hope this cleared up any grey areas you might have had on the protocol.